Wedding stories by Melisandra Russell

Wedding story #1...Wedding Prep and THE inspectors

Friday afternoon, we arrive at the restaurant for lunch. You can feel the tension in the air when as we walk in the door. 

Amy: "The health inspector is here."

Everyone: "What?!"

Amy: "The health inspector is here right now and my parents are freaking out."

(lots of loud voices can be heard from the kitchen)

Amy: "Sit down I'll get you drinks."

Everyone: "Should we leave?"

Amy: "No sit."

Amy sits, then gets up, then sits with folder and starts to show us wedding game plan, Iron Chopsticks walks out and speaks (or shouts we can't tell) a few Chinese words to Amy. Amy jumps up. We hear Dad shouting from kitchen, Iron Chopsticks shouts back. Amy's running around doing who knows what. Dad walks out says (in a stern or not stern voice?) Chinese words to Iron Chopsticks, she responds in similar tones. 

We joke: "I'm sure they're all saying 'oh isn't this a funny day for this to happen. I'm so excited about this wedding. I love you honey. I love you too baby!" But in Chinese for some reason this is all in loud harsh tones. Lol

Amy brings drinks, we take sips and try to order food with Amy. Our questions of "what's this? and What do you recommend?" Get a response of "I don't know. I don't know anything. Just please tell me what you want." We order something. She walks into kitchen. LOTS of yelling from the small man called Dad. Young white man (health inspector I assume) walks out of kitchen a little flushed. Starts to gather things. On his way out Dad meets him in the foyer. We can't hear but can see a heated conversation through glass door. Health inspector leaves. Female health inspector shortly follows. Dads comes back in a huff, "I told them come back with their boss, he our friend, he come to china with us!" Dad disappears in kitchen.

Amy: "Sorry y'all but I think you should just go."

Everyone: "Ok no problem!" We rush to clear our table. We're ready to leave. "Don't you need us to pick up stuff from here?"

Amy: "oh yes! The beer!

Dad returns calm, speaks to Amy in Chinese.

Amy: "My dad wants you guys to have lunch, sit down, get drinks."
We get our own drinks this time. "Do you need our order again?"

Amy pulls out crumpled barely legible paper "no I have it" We sit go over what we think were supposed to do. Amy sits, stands, walks, talks on phone, texts. I peak over her shoulder and see multiple messages going out with phrases like "can't" "i can't even xplan" hlth inspect" inspector came" "restaurant bad" "i dont know"

Amy brings food miraculously fast. "Darn! I didn't even order for myself!" She gobbles food while giving us our duties, texting, and talking on phone. After lunch we start carrying out cases of beer, putting stuff in cars, then taking out and putting in another car. Random couple tries to walk in restaurant while I'm waiting holding door. "They're closed" Couple "Really?" Me: "Yes really, big wedding day tomorrow, sorry Bye"

We figure out who and what is in what car. As we start to pile in big van pulls up "I'm here to deliver flowers"

Amy: "oh ya were storing those in the walk in" we all help to bring flowers in. Then both Health Inspectors return to finish the job. For some reason there's no yelling now. 

Amy: "ok let's leave"

Me: "you sure you have everything?"

Amy: "The KEG!"

We get the keg, I find a forgotten 12 pack on the way. We leave, arrive around the corner to Amy's house to get her car. 

Amy: "Where's my car!!" Calls dad, he pulls in behind us, he was putting gas in it. (where and when in the heck did he have time to do that?!)

Wedding Story #2...See, I'm Asian.

Friday Night around midnight we are driving from the rehearsal dinner to our hotel.

Amy chatting away a mile a minute, I momentarily think 'these roads probably have pretty slow speed limits.' One minute later flashing lights are behind us.

Amy: "Crap, it's okay, it's okay y'all, I'm the DD for my drunk friends who are here for my wedding. It'll be fine. Crap, I hope it's not the black cop, I hope it's not the black cop."

Us: "What?"

Amy: "The black cop pulled me over and let me go last week. There's only 2 cops."

One fine white cop walks up to window. "Hi m'aam.."

Amy: "Officer I'm drunk friends to hotel. No...I mean I'm driving my drunk friends to our hotel." 

Officer: "M'am.."

Amy: "No I'm sorry, see I'm the Bride. Tomorrow is my wedding, these are my friends from out of town. They're Drunk. I'm their DD. Ya see I'm Asian.

Officer: nothing

Amy: "I can't drink cause I'm allergic to alcohol. But they're here for my wedding and I'm trying to show them a good time. We just came from.."

Officer: "Okay m'am but why.."

Amy: "from my rehearsal dinner. Ya know you're very handsome."

Officer: "Thank you m'am but you were speeding."

Amy: "I know I know I'm so sorry. I was talking and I work here (points to building directly in front of us).

Officer: Sure ya do m'am.."

Amy: "No really I'm working for a new start up business based right here, I'm a part of the chamber of commerce. And it’s my wedding day tomorrow."

Officer: "I know m'am and I don't want to ruin your wedding."

Amy: "Officer please please please let me go, I'm trying to get this business going and I'm paying for this wedding, I can't afford this ticket."

Officer: "M'am I understand but you were going 55."

Amy: "Yes officer and I'm so sorry I promise I'll be more careful. Please it's my wedding day, please please  please."

Officer: "Okay m'am, as my wedding present to you I'm gonna let you go. Just let me see your license and check everything out."

Wedding Story #3...Wedding After Party

First of all I have never heard of a Hospitality Room at a wedding in my life. But it is awfully nice of you to provide your friends with a liquor room so they can get krunk, even though you yourself cannot drink. Lol. Anyways.

After a round of late night pizza for the gettin down wedding groupies, it's time to move the party to the hospitality room.

As the late-goers shuffle inside to dance to jams and do their best at taking down this not so "mini" bar, I linger outside chatting with two other people.

Just as the music turns to full volume the three of us hear very loud and distinct "Pop, pop, pops" coming from around the next building over, definitely near the reception party area.

A second passes where the three of us don't move, one guys moves to the side of our building to peak around the corner when we hear tires screeching and the "vroom" of an accelerating car. The three of us dart inside, no one inside can hear a thing over the music. I shut it off, the other two lock the door, draw the curtains, and turn off the lights.

Everyone is yelling what the heck is going on, we say shut up. Then we see the headlights of a car passing the window and the car engine fades away.

Apparently a few gang members sabotaged a few other gang members leaving the upstairs lounge of the hotel. There were a lot of gunshots fired, the band members that played the wedding were still packing up and one guy (Josh March!) was outside the van when the shots were fired, he jumped inside as he watched some random guy get shot. Somebody was seriously hurt. The strangest part though is no police or anyone asked the wedding party if they saw anything. No one even came to the hospitality room, the party raged on for a good while longer.

By far the most exciting and unique wedding I have ever been too.